Sheltered

It’s been a minute since I picked up the pen. I haven’t been feeling like myself lately. Life has truly happen, from fairy tales,to true nightmares. I’ve seen it all in these last couple of months. How do you ease the pain of a grieving Beast? You leave her alone allow her to do well in her kingdom . My sunsets are no longer beautiful, but it is the opportunity to the let out my rage. The break of dawn and the eagerness for my cup of coffee in the morning has sail into a pillow toss and a loud moan of reality. Processing through the process is not an easy task and today I’m not in the mood for your fuckin opinions. So with all due respect fall the fuck back. Shit I like dancing with the dinosaurs.

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Move…

I want to run in the same direction of the wind. Please don’t stop me, so what if I don’t know my beginning from my end. Where I end up is between me and God. I want to travel to places unknown. To capture my memory overloadinhg this camera with stolen moments. I want to smell the lemons in the middle of June watching the dogs play with butterflies bring a pure smile to my face. Blocking the Sun from my eyes as I try to hide this pain disguised by my shaded glasses…

A Husbands Prayer…

Lord I pray that you protect our marriage from anything that would destroy it…take out of our Lives anyone who what come between us… help us to immediately recognize and resist temptation when it presents itself… sever all Unholy ties in both of our Lives…May there never be any adultery or divorce in our future trying to destroy what you Lord have put together…. help us to never cast aside love when we have a disagreement… I pray that we will turn to you the creator to fix it to get us back in operating order the way you designed… teach us to see each other’s well-being first as you have committed in your words 1st Corinthians 10 and 24 we want to keep you at the center of our marriage United in faith and help us to be Christ-like..teach me to be the husband God you created me to be …show me how to love this woman with all the love of you father…forgive us of our sins and help us to give those who sinned against us in Jesus name amen

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Every time I get close you pull me back in…

Every time I let go you stop me from saying no…

 Why when you are so cold…

Liar, deceitful, Heart full of tainted gold…

Stories untold do I really want to take this vow…

 How can I trust you when you still Living foul…

Swallow my pride and let this shit ride out…

Can’t push forward damn I have too much doubt…

I want out but I’m selfish so I stay in…

 I think I lied when I said I wanted a fresh start…

 The pain never stops it only begins…

 So this is my finally call before I give in…

Broken pieces I thought it was as I look closer it’s shattered…

Seems like I need my boxing gloves, just to see if I matter…

 Loving you is dangerous game straight gamble of the heart…

Constant stains Silent Cries Echo throughout these cold walls….

 Grey and gloomy sticky clouds just fuck it all…

My sheets are heavy with regrets blank stares into the dark Skies…

Misty blue Breeze misses me and I’m fighting alone… 

 

Sweet Nectar

sweet

I need you to sit in this chair and prepare for your dinner

Don’t worry about a fork, a spoon, but you will need that knife later

Lean back a little baby, let me throw my leg on your shoulder

I will lean in closer allowing you to sample my love

Creamy kisses come down and I wonder how many licks will it take before you devour my peach

Slow, hard, fast, gentle licks Daddy, suck, nibble until I’m screaming for more

Don’t worry the wetter she gets I promise it’s better for you to slip and slide inside your love

But for now quench your thirst on the nectar of life as I satisfy your taste buds

 

 

Sometimes

You Know…

Sometimes I battle with the thoughts of why? What does it all mean? I know we are not to question God. Yet instead take on the challenge and suit up for War… Ok got it. I’m a gentle being created in his image… But let me tell you, I am searching for that beauty. In the mist of it all, Constant reminders of “he will never put more on me than I can bear”. But this right here is heavy. I am not built for this. Yet I’m so built for this. It’s amazing how you can find your strength in the weakest moment.  I must confess this right here is not easy… I barely look deep into my own eyes because it’s my soul that is broken.  I just smile and put on a daily mask. Please don’t get it confused with me being fake in any way. But how do you let your guard down when you are scared of being hurt? Friends are not who they say they are, And family will do us in every time… Yes I know… put your trust not in man, but in the Father… I deeply understand, what happens when the one you love let’s u down? How do you get pass the feeling? Building a wall letting my guard down to those I feel are deserving in fear of showing my true reflection? Lord I am already broken and I can’t afford to be shattered. I’m so full yet so empty. So confused by my day to day… Yet I’m so focused on the future. Help me pick up my crown and walk Lord. I’m so Team us…I forget about me… I matter to right?