Sheltered

It’s been a minute since I picked up the pen. I haven’t been feeling like myself lately. Life has truly happen, from fairy tales,to true nightmares. I’ve seen it all in these last couple of months. How do you ease the pain of a grieving Beast? You leave her alone allow her to do well in her kingdom . My sunsets are no longer beautiful, but it is the opportunity to the let out my rage. The break of dawn and the eagerness for my cup of coffee in the morning has sail into a pillow toss and a loud moan of reality. Processing through the process is not an easy task and today I’m not in the mood for your fuckin opinions. So with all due respect fall the fuck back. Shit I like dancing with the dinosaurs.

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Move…

I want to run in the same direction of the wind. Please don’t stop me, so what if I don’t know my beginning from my end. Where I end up is between me and God. I want to travel to places unknown. To capture my memory overloadinhg this camera with stolen moments. I want to smell the lemons in the middle of June watching the dogs play with butterflies bring a pure smile to my face. Blocking the Sun from my eyes as I try to hide this pain disguised by my shaded glasses…

A Husbands Prayer…

Lord I pray that you protect our marriage from anything that would destroy it…take out of our Lives anyone who what come between us… help us to immediately recognize and resist temptation when it presents itself… sever all Unholy ties in both of our Lives…May there never be any adultery or divorce in our future trying to destroy what you Lord have put together…. help us to never cast aside love when we have a disagreement… I pray that we will turn to you the creator to fix it to get us back in operating order the way you designed… teach us to see each other’s well-being first as you have committed in your words 1st Corinthians 10 and 24 we want to keep you at the center of our marriage United in faith and help us to be Christ-like..teach me to be the husband God you created me to be …show me how to love this woman with all the love of you father…forgive us of our sins and help us to give those who sinned against us in Jesus name amen

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Every time I get close you pull me back in…

Every time I let go you stop me from saying no…

 Why when you are so cold…

Liar, deceitful, Heart full of tainted gold…

Stories untold do I really want to take this vow…

 How can I trust you when you still Living foul…

Swallow my pride and let this shit ride out…

Can’t push forward damn I have too much doubt…

I want out but I’m selfish so I stay in…

 I think I lied when I said I wanted a fresh start…

 The pain never stops it only begins…

 So this is my finally call before I give in…

Broken pieces I thought it was as I look closer it’s shattered…

Seems like I need my boxing gloves, just to see if I matter…

 Loving you is dangerous game straight gamble of the heart…

Constant stains Silent Cries Echo throughout these cold walls….

 Grey and gloomy sticky clouds just fuck it all…

My sheets are heavy with regrets blank stares into the dark Skies…

Misty blue Breeze misses me and I’m fighting alone… 

 

1:08am

Crazy…

  I can’t believe this s*** I just dropped to my knees with the question why… couldn’t stop the tears from flowing. My chest is so heavy right now. I knew you since we were little, innocent, and pure. I watched you bury your best-friend your brother. I saw the hurt in your mother’s eyes. It broke my heart when I found out she died trying to find the beauty that was already created inside. I felt your pain all these years it’s been hurting  you , true definition of existing and not living. As we all tried to comfort you . I tossed and I turned so much last night.  I just  could not sleep. If I would have known in that very second that you were leaving Maybe my prayers would have been stronger a little intense and deep. Some say that time heals all wounds… I’m just trying to find the strength to make it through tonight’s thoughts of you…. Rest Jay….

Open

yesl

Untouched, unexplored, unsure of what to look for you took control,

 Embrace me with your masculine hands, so strong yet gentle,

 I am falling in love with you,

Deep emotion, sensitivity, warm sensations, passion and ecstasy,

 I crave your touch

 My heart throbs when you kiss me

 My legs tremble at the touch of your tongue to kiss my breasts

I lose my breath when you look me in my eyes

 I feel safe in your arms, I’m impressed by the things you do, you are my inspiration

 Sending vibrations, amazing zigzags traveling up and down my spine as you explore my ebony body

 I am lifted into a cloud of silence as you begin to enter my gate

 

Restore Me

Lord I’m full. I just had enough, please take away my pain. I humbly ask that you forgive me. I truly need you. Sometimes, well lately Lord I have been broken in every way. You are all knowing and in this I know I will find my strength. I just ask for the Holy Spirit to guide me. Lord you say a righteous man’s footsteps are ordered. Lord I know that I am unworthy. Thank you Jesus for having me in mind. Heal me, help me, take down the Walls, and tend to the scars that have broken it over the years. The difference between being broken is that you can be fixed. Lord I Thank you that you have not allowed Satan to devour and Shatter Me. Every day is a struggle within. I am tried in every way personally, financially most importantly spiritually with you. I am so lost without you, I never want my living to be in vain. I just don’t know how to deal. Restore me, help me find my reason. Give me my purpose allow me not to be in my own understanding. Lord help me not to judge others or be so quick to just say no, when you are the one who always says YES!