It’s been a minute since I picked up the pen. I haven’t been feeling like myself lately. Life has truly happen, from fairy tales,to true nightmares. I’ve seen it all in these last couple of months. How do you ease the pain of a grieving Beast? You leave her alone allow her to do well in her kingdom . My sunsets are no longer beautiful, but it is the opportunity to the let out my rage. The break of dawn and the eagerness for my cup of coffee in the morning has sail into a pillow toss and a loud moan of reality. Processing through the process is not an easy task and today I’m not in the mood for your fuckin opinions. So with all due respect fall the fuck back. Shit I like dancing with the dinosaurs.
I want to run in the same direction of the wind. Please don’t stop me, so what if I don’t know my beginning from my end. Where I end up is between me and God. I want to travel to places unknown. To capture my memory overloadinhg this camera with stolen moments. I want to smell the lemons in the middle of June watching the dogs play with butterflies bring a pure smile to my face. Blocking the Sun from my eyes as I try to hide this pain disguised by my shaded glasses…
Lord I pray that you protect our marriage from anything that would destroy it…take out of our Lives anyone who what come between us… help us to immediately recognize and resist temptation when it presents itself… sever all Unholy ties in both of our Lives…May there never be any adultery or divorce in our future trying to destroy what you Lord have put together…. help us to never cast aside love when we have a disagreement… I pray that we will turn to you the creator to fix it to get us back in operating order the way you designed… teach us to see each other’s well-being first as you have committed in your words 1st Corinthians 10 and 24 we want to keep you at the center of our marriage United in faith and help us to be Christ-like..teach me to be the husband God you created me to be …show me how to love this woman with all the love of you father…forgive us of our sins and help us to give those who sinned against us in Jesus name amen
I can’t believe this s*** I just dropped to my knees with the question why… couldn’t stop the tears from flowing. My chest is so heavy right now. I knew you since we were little, innocent, and pure. I watched you bury your best-friend your brother. I saw the hurt in your mother’s eyes. It broke my heart when I found out she died trying to find the beauty that was already created inside. I felt your pain all these years it’s been hurting you , true definition of existing and not living. As we all tried to comfort you . I tossed and I turned so much last night. I just could not sleep. If I would have known in that very second that you were leaving Maybe my prayers would have been stronger a little intense and deep. Some say that time heals all wounds… I’m just trying to find the strength to make it through tonight’s thoughts of you…. Rest Jay….
I need you to sit in this chair and prepare for your dinner
Don’t worry about a fork, a spoon, but you will need that knife later
Lean back a little baby, let me throw my leg on your shoulder
I will lean in closer allowing you to sample my love
Creamy kisses come down and I wonder how many licks will it take before you devour my peach
Slow, hard, fast, gentle licks Daddy, suck, nibble until I’m screaming for more
Don’t worry the wetter she gets I promise it’s better for you to slip and slide inside your love
But for now quench your thirst on the nectar of life as I satisfy your taste buds
Untouched, unexplored, unsure of what to look for you took control,
Embrace me with your masculine hands, so strong yet gentle,
I am falling in love with you,
Deep emotion, sensitivity, warm sensations, passion and ecstasy,
I crave your touch
My heart throbs when you kiss me
My legs tremble at the touch of your tongue to kiss my breasts
I lose my breath when you look me in my eyes
I feel safe in your arms, I’m impressed by the things you do, you are my inspiration
Sending vibrations, amazing zigzags traveling up and down my spine as you explore my ebony body
I am lifted into a cloud of silence as you begin to enter my gate
Sometimes I battle with the thoughts of why? What does it all mean? I know we are not to question God. Yet instead take on the challenge and suit up for War… Ok got it. I’m a gentle being created in his image… But let me tell you, I am searching for that beauty. In the mist of it all, Constant reminders of “he will never put more on me than I can bear”. But this right here is heavy. I am not built for this. Yet I’m so built for this. It’s amazing how you can find your strength in the weakest moment. I must confess this right here is not easy… I barely look deep into my own eyes because it’s my soul that is broken. I just smile and put on a daily mask. Please don’t get it confused with me being fake in any way. But how do you let your guard down when you are scared of being hurt? Friends are not who they say they are, And family will do us in every time… Yes I know… put your trust not in man, but in the Father… I deeply understand, what happens when the one you love let’s u down? How do you get pass the feeling? Building a wall letting my guard down to those I feel are deserving in fear of showing my true reflection? Lord I am already broken and I can’t afford to be shattered. I’m so full yet so empty. So confused by my day to day… Yet I’m so focused on the future. Help me pick up my crown and walk Lord. I’m so Team us…I forget about me… I matter to right?