Sheltered

It’s been a minute since I picked up the pen. I haven’t been feeling like myself lately. Life has truly happen, from fairy tales,to true nightmares. I’ve seen it all in these last couple of months. How do you ease the pain of a grieving Beast? You leave her alone allow her to do well in her kingdom . My sunsets are no longer beautiful, but it is the opportunity to the let out my rage. The break of dawn and the eagerness for my cup of coffee in the morning has sail into a pillow toss and a loud moan of reality. Processing through the process is not an easy task and today I’m not in the mood for your fuckin opinions. So with all due respect fall the fuck back. Shit I like dancing with the dinosaurs.

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Move…

I want to run in the same direction of the wind. Please don’t stop me, so what if I don’t know my beginning from my end. Where I end up is between me and God. I want to travel to places unknown. To capture my memory overloadinhg this camera with stolen moments. I want to smell the lemons in the middle of June watching the dogs play with butterflies bring a pure smile to my face. Blocking the Sun from my eyes as I try to hide this pain disguised by my shaded glasses…

A Husbands Prayer…

Lord I pray that you protect our marriage from anything that would destroy it…take out of our Lives anyone who what come between us… help us to immediately recognize and resist temptation when it presents itself… sever all Unholy ties in both of our Lives…May there never be any adultery or divorce in our future trying to destroy what you Lord have put together…. help us to never cast aside love when we have a disagreement… I pray that we will turn to you the creator to fix it to get us back in operating order the way you designed… teach us to see each other’s well-being first as you have committed in your words 1st Corinthians 10 and 24 we want to keep you at the center of our marriage United in faith and help us to be Christ-like..teach me to be the husband God you created me to be …show me how to love this woman with all the love of you father…forgive us of our sins and help us to give those who sinned against us in Jesus name amen

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Every time I get close you pull me back in…

Every time I let go you stop me from saying no…

 Why when you are so cold…

Liar, deceitful, Heart full of tainted gold…

Stories untold do I really want to take this vow…

 How can I trust you when you still Living foul…

Swallow my pride and let this shit ride out…

Can’t push forward damn I have too much doubt…

I want out but I’m selfish so I stay in…

 I think I lied when I said I wanted a fresh start…

 The pain never stops it only begins…

 So this is my finally call before I give in…

Broken pieces I thought it was as I look closer it’s shattered…

Seems like I need my boxing gloves, just to see if I matter…

 Loving you is dangerous game straight gamble of the heart…

Constant stains Silent Cries Echo throughout these cold walls….

 Grey and gloomy sticky clouds just fuck it all…

My sheets are heavy with regrets blank stares into the dark Skies…

Misty blue Breeze misses me and I’m fighting alone… 

 

Restore Me

Lord I’m full. I just had enough, please take away my pain. I humbly ask that you forgive me. I truly need you. Sometimes, well lately Lord I have been broken in every way. You are all knowing and in this I know I will find my strength. I just ask for the Holy Spirit to guide me. Lord you say a righteous man’s footsteps are ordered. Lord I know that I am unworthy. Thank you Jesus for having me in mind. Heal me, help me, take down the Walls, and tend to the scars that have broken it over the years. The difference between being broken is that you can be fixed. Lord I Thank you that you have not allowed Satan to devour and Shatter Me. Every day is a struggle within. I am tried in every way personally, financially most importantly spiritually with you. I am so lost without you, I never want my living to be in vain. I just don’t know how to deal. Restore me, help me find my reason. Give me my purpose allow me not to be in my own understanding. Lord help me not to judge others or be so quick to just say no, when you are the one who always says YES!

 

 

The beginning starts now

Not sure on how to start I begin by saying yes. Yes to all fears, yes to understanding, and yes to you. I never can find the words, but you know my heart. I am unsure on how I feel, however you know my destiny. I am yours, I see only you in the end I look for you throughout my day, and the first sign of you is when I open my eyes. How faithful you are. I have been wrong in so many ways. Like a puppy with her tail tucked in, you still love me. Crystal clear when you see my sins. When I ask for forgiveness you restore me. I have been ashamed lately and you have sent an Angel to remind me that you welcome me just as I am. How grateful. I pray and hope that I can reconnect with you like never before, my soul cries out praise him. With my whole heart I ask that you find me guilty of anything that has caused me to stray. I humbly need you in my life as I allow the holy spirit to guide my paths, I asked that my heart listens. I need you Lord. I don’t want a relationship based on fear of dying in the flesh however, I want to rest assure that I know you are king of kings, first and last, beginning and end. You are my father alone and if I truly allow you to do what you do, I will walk into what you already have prepared. You are my joy Lord. Give me you as you always do and I promise more to do more than I have. Struggling to Crystal Clear is not easy, help me with my purpose.

 

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